Why I've been Absent From Blogging For So Long


If you hadn't noticed already, there hasn't been much content on my blog lately. I didn't really plan for this to happen at all, I actually have a massive list of ideas ready to be written and posted but everytime I've sat down to write or set up to take photos nothing sounds or looks right to me. I take blogging breaks quite often, as my life seems to be a bit of a roller coaster, but I've never had a break for this long.

In the past two months I've posted one blog post, and only uploaded to Instagram a few times, which is very rare for me especially on the Instagram side of things. I'll never say that I don't enjoy blogging because I do, it gives me an outlet to be creative and something to do in my spare time. I can't blame this break on a lack of spare time because although yes I have been very busy, I'd still have fitted in time to write and post content if I really wanted to.

There are so many reasons as to why my absence has been for so long, some are personal and some are just general reasons. I started 2016 with a very positive outlook on life, things were looking so good for me. I'd just spent two weeks with my family and horses, I was seeing someone who treated me very well, I was still in college on track to take my AS exams this summer. Everything was looking good. A few weeks in and college started to slack, I didn't enjoy it, and I'd be lying if I said that I've ever enjoyed college. My attendance got worse, to the point that they threatened to kick me out but I just had to finish my A Levels as I need them for my future, so I just struggled through and tried to attend as much as I could. 

It got to February, just after Valentines Day to be in fact, just after spending a weekend with the "perfect" guy that I was seeing. I came home to a message from a girl saying that she had also been dating him. Although me and him were never official, he told me he wasn't seeing anyone else, which I believed. I confronted him and he pulled the whole we're not together card, which was true, but he lied about it which was not cool. After booking weekends away together you kind of get the impression that it's going to lead somewhere, but evidently not. He admitted he treated me like a girlfriend but basically said he couldn't give up other girls for me and that was that. I was upset to say the least, I spent the few weeks that followed skipping college and completely wasting my time doing nothing productive. I chased him. A lot. I wanted him to see what we had but in reality what we had was a bunch of lies. If I could go back there and change how I spent the weeks that followed I would, but lessons have been learnt and I don't regret anything, if he taught me anything it's to never settle for someone that doesn't only want you.

March and April flew by, I was busy. I went to blog events, gigs, and had so many ridiculously funny nights out. The highlight of April was spending 45 minutes talking to Rob Damaini. It was an improvement on the start of the year to say the least. I was finding my feet again. College still wasn't getting any better at all, I still hated it more than ever. After a ton of meetings I was told I should probably leave after my exams as they didn't believe I could achieve the grades needed to carry on. At first I was so angry and upset over this, I couldn't believe it and I had no idea what I was going to do. My life flipped itself once again.

It's now May. I've been busy, again. I've spent the past month deciding what the hell I'm going to do after my exams. After hours of researching I've decided that I'm going to be studying from home. It's going to be tough, and it's going to be a lot of hard work, but it means I'll never have to go back to college again. I couldn't be happier about that. I'm still finding my feet. I have no idea how the rest of the year is going to pan out, but that's okay. 2016 may not be my year so far, but what's a few shit months gonna do. I can turn this around. 

It's taken a few attempts for me to really spring back into blogging. I tried in March and April but after seeing so much negativity on Twitter I decided to leave it. I know there's nothing more annoying than people that moan about negativity on Twitter and I get that but I really hate what I've been seeing. I am seeing more and more bloggers getting jealous and despising other bloggers who get better opportunities than them. It's wrong. Celebrating someone else's success will never dampen yours. I get that not everyone will get on and I would never expect anyone to get one with someone they dislike for the sake of blogging. That doesn't mean they have to be negative about their success and take to Twitter about it. If someone's got a different opinion to you, debate it, don't attack them. If you don't believe in someone's success, keep it to your damn self. 

I don't see any competition in blogging any more, seeing other bloggers getting amazing opportunities makes me so happy. Comparing yourself to others is a natural thing to do, we all do it, but don't attack other bloggers. Celebrating those who inspire you and use it to inspire you to work harder.

Words will never truly explain my absence but I'm finally back.

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